Birthday Blues

Birthday's would be like THE most exciting time of my life ever since I was a little kid. It would be like a whole big event being planned. Two weeks in advance, my mom and my sister would go out shopping for 'return gifts' (back in the day) and all those shiny accessories to put on walls and make the house look like an interior decorator's nightmare. But what joy those things would bring.
I would start pestering my sister about my birthday gift a month prior to my birthday. It would be so much fun to make her do all my work (which she does anyway) just because my birthday is coming up and she has to be nice-r to me.
Next would be the birthday invitations and the dress shopping. Colorful invitations with a house map on the back would be printed and I would go and distribute them in school, thrilled that I've invited all my favorite people and anticipating the big day. Then came the dresses. One for wearing to school (those wonderful 'color dress' days) and the other for the evening party. Finally the big day - Games, laughter, yummy cake and food and lots of gifts and joy. I actually miss that.
Im going to turn 22 tomorrow, and for the first time in these 22 years my sister isn't here to celebrate it with me. There was no birthday month. There was no gift pestering talk. I know she's going to be just as lonely tomorrow as I will be, and her voice will choke with emotions as she will talk to me tonight at 12am.
I miss you.

Manifestation of life

We all have hobbies and interests. But there are some interests that stand out. That captures our heart in a way that sets it apart from all the rest.

For me, this stands true for photography. When I hold the camera in my hand, everything goes still. All sounds drop out, all people; possibly staring at me thinking, “what in the world is so nice about that tree?” blur. All I hear is my heartbeat, picking up pace, I feel the blood gushing through my body. I steady my hand and close my left eye. My fingers fiddle with the dial, finding the right focus, the sharpness and click.

They say it’s not the end that matters, but the journey to find that end that counts. I don’t go “wooow” when I see my pictures after I click them. Im very self-critical and I think that helps. But for me, every picture is my journey. It’s my journey to that place that makes me so happy it’s overwhelming.

It’s not just a camera for me. For me it’s a high, a rush. It’s creativity. It’s a place that holds no boundaries, it’s a place where I find, me. It’s a manifestation of life (thanks for that Junaid !).